Funtime – Saturday Night Live spoof of Daniel Day Lewis’s phrase, “I drink your milkshake, I drink it up,” in Academy Award winning movie, “There Will Be Blood.”
Features Daniel, his “young son,” Anton from “No Country for Old Men” and Juno from “Juno.”
Below: totally unrelated but another kudos SNL skit. 
(Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Babies)
And once again unrelated but will laff so hard will cry.
(Lawrence Welk and 3 Sisters)
SNL – Will Ferrell as President Bush, Tina Fey as Gov. Sarah Palin,
Will Forte as trusted aide Jeff, Jason Sudeikis as Todd Palin,
Darrell Hammond as Sen. John McCain. More delightful hilarity
from a talented team…
FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
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WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “Hello, my fellow Americans. I have chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because quite frankly every time I speak during the day, the Stock Market goes in the crapper. So, sorry, Asian markets. You take the hit on this one. I come to you tonight in the midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates… the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy. Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization. And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver Bullet about a half-hour ago. I’m out of here in a few months, so screw it. But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network endorsement from George W. Bush. Hey, don’t pinch yourself John, you are awake!”
WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “Now I tried to do this several months ago but somehow it kept getting pushed to a written press release or a shouted sentence as I walked to the helicopter. I began to suspect that they didn’t want my endorsement to be too public. But now with the country on a big upswing and my numbers on the rise, I thought it was time to give a proper, large scale “much love” to McCain and Palin…” (WILL FORTE enters as trusted aide Jeff and whispers in BUSH’s ear) WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “What? What? Really? Why didn’t you tell me Jeff? I’ve just been told by my trusted aide Jeff, that the country is actually in a horrible downward spiral and that my approval numbers are lower than ever. That one’s on me. Uh, four months ago, I declared the Oval Office a bummer-free zone. So… You know what, let’s bring on Senator McCain and Governor Palin.” (TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN enters smiling, waving and sits on desk next to BUSH) TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN: “So nice to meet you, Mr. President. I’ve seen you on TV.” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “Where’s McRage?” TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN: “You know, John McCain and I have been so busy travelin’ around this great country of ours talkin’ about change and energy independence and William Ayers, and doin’ a little shoppin’… but unfortunately Senator McCain, upon hearing you wanted to give him a super public endorsement, cannot be found. He was last seen travelin’ on foot through the Adirondacks. But my husband Todd and two of his drinkin’ buddies are in pursuit on snowmachines. WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “Well, we’ll smoke him out. George, uh, smoke ‘m out… George Bush always finds his man… save for one huge exception.” TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN: “We are gonna get ‘er done.” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “My God you are folksy.” TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN: “Why thank you Mr. President. I like to think I’m one part practiced folksy, one part sassy and a little dash’a high school bitchy.” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “For a little while I was trying to be folksy but after a bit, it just came off douchey. All right, let me get into my endorsement for you as Vice President. As you know America, the office of Vice President is the most important office in the land. The Vice President decides when we go to war, how we tax the citizens and how we interpret the Constitution. The President can do nothing without checking with the Vice President. That is why Sarah Palin…” TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN: “Actually, Mr. President, I don’t want to go all Katie Couric on you, but I think it’s actually the other way around. I think the Vice President reports to the President.” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “Really? That’s not what Dick Cheney told me when he sat me down the first day.” (JASON SUDEIKIS appears as TODD PALIN in ‘Team Arctic’ racing suit pushing DARRELL HAMMOND as JOHN MCCAIN ahead of him.) JASON SUDEIKIS AS TODD PALIN: “We out-mavericked the maverick!” DARRELL HAMMOND AS JOHN MCCAIN: “Good evening, my friends. Mr. President, always a pleasure.” (DARRELL HAMMOND weakly puts out left hand; WILL FERRELL grabs ahold with right hand, won’t let go even though HAMMOND tries to retract hand) WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “Good to see you, John. Hey let’s get a photo of this; it’ll really help your campaign out. (Fey as Palin smiles, poses with fist under chin, hand on elbow) Now let me do this: I, George W. Bush, endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin with all my heart…” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: “John was there for me ninety percent of the time over the last eight years. When you think of John McCain, think of me, George W. Bush. Think of this face. When you’re in the voting booth, before you vote – picture THIS FACE right here. A vote for John McCain is a vote for George Dubya Bush.” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: You welcome. So, I want to be there for you John, for the next eight years.” TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN: “The next sixteen years!” WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT BUSH: (to off-camera photographer) “Let’s get a safety. I think I blinked on that last shot. Thumbs up, everybody. |
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin Once Again with Full Transcript Below
With Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill, Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden.
Full Transcript of SNL Biden Palin Debate:
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Good evening, I’m Gwen Ifill… and welcome to Washington University in St. Louis Missouri for the first and only 2008 Vice Presidential Debate between the Republican nominee, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, and the Democratic nominee, Joe Biden of Delaware. Let’s welcome the candidates.
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: Hey, can I call you, “Joe”?
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: Of course.
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: Okay, ’cause I practiced a couple of zingers where I call you “Joe”!
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: Okay, great!
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Now, tonight’s discussion will cover a wide range of topics including domestic and foreign policy matters. Each candidate will have ninety seconds to respond to a direct question, and then an additional two minutes for rebuttal and follow-up. As moderator, I will not ask any follow-up questions beyond “Do you agree?” or “Your response?”, so as not to appear biased for Barack Obama in light of my new book… [ she holds up her book ] “The Breakthrough: Politics of Race in the Age of Obama”, coming out on Inauguration day and available for pre-order on Amazon.com. And, finally, we would like to remind our audience that, due to the historically low expectations for Governor Palin, were she simply to do an adequate job tonight, and at no point cry, faint, run out of the building or vomit… you should consider the debate a tie. [ Palin nods in agreement ] All right, let’s begin. Senator Biden, how, as Vice President would you work to shrink the gap of polarization that has sprung up in Washington?
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: Well, I would do what I have done my whole career, whether it’s been dealing with violence against women or putting 100,000 police officers in the streets. I would reach across the aisle. Like I’ve done with so many members of the other party. Members like John McCain. Because, look, I LOVE John McCain. He is one of my dearest friends. But, at the same time, he’s also dangerously unbalanced. I mean, let’s be frank, John McCain — and again, this is a man I would take a bullet for — is bad at his job and is mentally unstable. As my mother would say, “God love him, but he’s a raging maniac…” and a dear, dear friend.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin. How will your administration deal with the current financial crisis?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: Well, first of all, let me say how nice it is to meet Joe Biden! And, may I say, up close your hair plugs don’t look nearly as bad as everyone says! You know, John McCain and I, we’re a couple of mavericks. And, gosh darnit, we’re gonna take that maverick energy right to Washington and we’re gonna use it to fix this financial crisis and everything else that’s plaguin’ this great country of ours!
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: How will you solve the financial crisis by being a maverick?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: You know, we’re gonna take every aspect of the crisis and look at it and then we’re gonna ask ourselves, “What would a maverick do in this situation?” And then, you know, we’ll do that! (Here, Tina Fey winks)
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Senator Biden, how would your administration address the current financial crisis?
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: Barack Obama and I understand that we need to regulate Wall Street. John McCain voted against Wall Street regulation 41 times. Let me repeat that. 41 times! And, again, this is a man I love. If I had to spend the rest of my life on a desert island with only ONE other person it would be John McCain — no doubt about it. I mean, you should see the way my face lights up when he walks into a room. But the fact is, John McCain has voted with George Bush 90% of the time, let me say that again: time.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin, would you like to respond to Senator Biden’s comments about Senator McCain?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: No thank you, but I would like to talk about bein’ an outsider. You see, while Senator Biden has been in Washington all these years, I’ve been with regular people. Hockey moms and Joe Six-packs, and I’d also like to give a shout out to the third graders of Gladys Woods Elementary who were so helpful to me in my debate prep. Also, too, you see, I think a bit differently from an insider. I don’t think it’s patriotic to pay more taxes. I don’t think it’s patriotic to criticize these wars we got goin’ on. I do think it’s patriotic to tell the government, “Hey, get outta my way! Stop tryin’ to impose on my right to shoot wolves from a helicopter!” But a Washington insider like Joe Biden probably disagrees.
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: You know I get a little tired of being told I’m an insider. I come from Scranton, Pennsylvania! And that’s as hard-scrabble a place as you’re gonna find. I’ll show you around some time and you’ll see. It’s a hellhole! An absolute jerkwater of a town! You couldn’t stand to spend a weekend there. It is just an awful, awful sad place filled with sad, desperate people with no ambition! Nobody, and I mean nobody, but me, has ever come out of that place! It’s a genetic cesspool! So don’t be telling me that I’m part of the Washington elite, because I come from the absolute WORST place on Earth: Scranton, Pennsylvania! And Wilmington, Delaware is not much better.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Senator Palin, address your position on global warming and whether you think it’s man-made or not.
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: Gwen, we don’t know if this climate change hoozie-what’s-it is man-made or if it’s just a natural part of the “End of Days”. But… I’m not gonna talk about that, I would like to talk about taxes, because, with Barack Obama, you’re gonna be paying higher taxes. But not with me and my fellow maverick. We are not afraid to get maverick-y in there and ruffle feathers and not got to allow that. And ,also, too, the great Ronald Reagan. [ she nods proudly for the reference ]
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: The next question is for you, Senator Biden. Do you support, as they do in Alaska, granting same-sex benefits to couples?
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: I do. In an Obama-Biden administration, same-sex couples would be guaranteed the same property rights, rights to insurance, and rights of ownership as heterosexual couples. There will be NO distinction. I repeat, NO distinction.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: So, to clarify, do you support gay marriage, Senator Biden?
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: Absolutely not! But I do think they should be allowed to visit one another in the hospital. And, in a lot of ways, that’s just as good, if not better.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin, would you extend same-sex rights to the entire country?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: You know, I would be afraid of where that would lead. I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers. But don’t think I don’t tolerate gay people. Because I do. I tolerate them with all my heart. And I know quite a few, too. Not personally. But I know of them. I’ve seen “Ellen”. Oh! And there was this one girl on my college basketball team. She wasn’t officially “a gay”, but, you know, we were pretty sure.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin, what is your position on Healthcare regulation?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: I’m gonna ignore that question and instead talk about Israel. I love Israel so much. Bless its heart. There’s a special place for Israel in heaven. And I know some people are going to say that I’m only saying that to pander to Florida voters, but, from a very young age, my two greatest loves were always Jews and Cuban food.
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: I would now like to give each of you a chance to make a closing statement.
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: Are we not doing the talent portion? (plays a tune on the flute, winks, smiles)
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Senator Biden, your closing statement?
Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden: My goal tonight was a simple one. To come up here and at no point seem like a condescending, egomaniacal bully. And I’m gonna be honest, I think I nailed it. Sure there were moments when I wanted to say, “Hey, this lady is a dummy!” But I didn’t! Because Joe Biden is better than that. I repeat: Joe Biden… [ he acknowledges himself ] is better… than that. [ he points to Palin, who waves ] So to all of the pundits who said I would seem cocky or arrogant… you dopes got schooled, Biden-style!
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Governor Palin?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin: I liked being here tonight, answering these tough questions without the filter of the mainstream gotcha media with their “follow-up questions”, “fact-checking”, or “incessant need to figure out what your words mean and why ya put them in that order”. I’m, uh — I’m happy to be speaking directly to the American people to let them know if you want an outsider who doesn’t like politics as usual or pronouncin’ the “g” and the end of the words she’s sayin’ I think you know who to vote for. Oh, and for those Joe Six-packs out there playing a drinking game at home — Maverick. [ she mimes popping a beer can pull tab, throws one back, and smiles ]
Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill: Well, this concludes tonight’s debate. The book drops November 4th, and, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
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