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Kids Pirate Question – Hilarious



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Below are some real answers by kids to a kid’s question on Yahoo Answers. Unfortunately, the original question and answers were removed, so all we have left is what’s below.

QUESTION: MY MOM WONT LET ME EAT AT THE TABLE WITH A SWORD WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Answer:
Just because your mom is a little unreasonable doesn’t mean you cant be reasonable. What you need to do is become a classically styled pirate, and don’t half *** it like some 5 year old going out to play. You need to Be a pirate 24/7; that means you need to have a bandanna, large boots, long hair, saggy clothes held up by an enormous belt (make sure you like them, you won’t ever be taking them off, not even to bathe, witch you also will not be doing), an exotic animal, and of course you’re sword. You must also always talk like a pirate, swear like a sailor, have no respect for women or officials you were not involved in electing, and be within arms reach of alcohol (but only manly kinds, no martinis or mojitos or any of that other gayness). After you have this all down pat you need to assemble a crew of the most insidious cut throats villains and scoundrels you’ve ever seen (friends of yours will probably do, you know the ones I mean) , go to some nearby body of water and rob peoples boats. So now when you go to the dinner table; sword in hand, animal on shoulder,bandanna on head, and loosely clad, and you’re mom starts giving you crap you can: a.) Tell her to can it ’cause you’re tankard is dry of rum b.) argue until you finally kowtow to that madness c.) compromise, agree to get rid of the animal, the bandanna, the clothes and to stop robbing people BUT YOU’RE A PIRATE DAGNABIT AND YOU WILL NOT BE WITHOUT YOU’RE SWORD. d.) You shove her away, take all the food, and runoff to live a life of high adventure and debauchery on the high seas. the choice is yours.

Answer:
The saddest part is that a pirate is on the internet, crying about his mom. You should be ashamed. But I unders oh wait I don’t understand. Pirates don’t have moms much less cry. Grow a pair matey!

Answer:
Give your mom a sword and force her to eat with it. Then she will know that eating with a sword is obviously the best way to eat food and she will never be able to go back to the “civilized” manner of eating with a fork, knife, etc… This will also make dinners much more exciting because, say for example, a certain food you do not like is served after you specifically said you did not want it. What do you do? you challenge your mother, who also wields a sword, to a death-match! Winner gets to clean up and loser end up, well, dead.

Answer:
Dear CHILD, If you are at her table in her house and she is the one who pays the bills and for the food that is on the table that you eat, then do not break momzilla’s rule…Respect! When you are in your own home at your own table paying for your own food you may eat with a sword and your mom will need to except it. Now run along dear and don’t trip with that sword you might hurt yourself.

Answer:
What, like as a knife? Seriously, just hide it under the table or something. Then, when you find something to cut, YELL, whip out the sword and bring it crashing down on the plate, cutting into the table. Then pull it out of the now ruined table and slowly lift it above your head, pointed towards the ceiling. Lower it back to the floor and set it down. Calmly resume eating. Act as if nothing has happened (not like anything did. You were just cutting your food!)

Answer:
Depending on the type of sword, I would say, recommendations may vary for your situation.If your sword is a long sword then it probably extends as much as 4 feet. This is good in battle in a wide open field against warriors NOT wielding AK47’s but I wouldn’t recommend it for a cramped indoor area like say, a bathroom, closet, or dinner table.Now if it is a short sword, it is probably about 2-3 ft in length and is quite handy in close up face to face battles ESPECIALLY in close quarters indoors like say, a bathroom, closet, or dinner table. So if you find yourself constantly in battle with those seated at said table, I would by all means recommend overriding the cease and desist order and continue wielding your short sword at the dinner table.Now, if it is an Arabian sword then it will extend approximately 4 feet and will be curved with the sharp blade pointed outward. These swords are especially good while on horseback but the one-sided cutting action and lack of a definitive ‘point’ (they are curved like a sickle moon across the top of the blade) makes the Arabian sword unwieldy and disadvantageous in close quarters indoors in a bathroom, closet, or say, a dinner table. But if you are attempting to appear like a Bad Ace while not necessarily expecting to do battle from horse or camel back any time soon, then by all means, override the cease and desist order and whip out your Arabian sword while eating your hash browns and giblets. Its quite intimidating, I know this from experience.If it is nothing more than a plastic toy sword then you really just need to put the stupid thing back in your toy box, grow up, and eat your hash browns and giblets completely unarmed like the rest of us!

Answer:
ok dude, i have had this problem…dont ask why.i just let it go, cause i love my mom and i wasnt real seriuos anyway, but you, you must be kinda whacked out, so do this, take your little sowrd and lay it on the table, pointing at her and tell her” my dinner or your life…” i hope she grabs it and takes your arm off lmmfao

Answer:
Oh Good GRIEF!!!Don’t you have any manners?? Or respect your Mother?? Come on, she’s your Mom. It’s dinner or put down the sword for 30 or so minutes.And use your manners!!! Since WHEN exactly, do we need to eat with a sword at our side? Personally, mine stays be the Dining Room door during dinner.

Answer:
Exactly what Abe Lincoln would do. Eat using a meat cleaver and a pitchfork instead. Keep your chainsaw close by with a tire iron and a box of contractor trash bags, so anyone who tries to stop this behavior (she said nothing about this, only the sword) will meet a strange and untimely demise.

Answer:
You have the choice of survival modes here – self protection (sword) or sustenance (food) – which is more important? A malnourished swordsman is a weak swordsman. An unprotected trencherman is a weak trencherman. We are all defined in our lives by the choices we make. Choose wisely!

Answer:
Simple, Ready your weapon, for your in for a dousy.Jump onto the table, swinging your faithful sword. Raise your weapon to the sky, and proclaim this feast to the lord agorhaoth. Then, with great justice and devotion, STRIKE DOWN THOSE WHO OPPOSE YOU.Or just bring an axe.

Answer:
ok, i think most of us have gone through this phase at some point in our lives… the decision you make here can guarantee a spot as a high ranking ninja or a sword wielding lawyer… not much difference though, or 10-15 years in prison. What i did was i left my sword in my room one day and the ninjas attacked. After the ninjas stole all our knives i had to use the sword to protect us from them again and to slice our food. So just trust your ninja superiors are watching and leave it one day, it will happen. And the one’s asking what your problem is, they are the rejects of ninja society, so just ignore them.

Answer:
-bring katanaYour mom still complains and broke the katana into pieces — she’s a ninja.-bring axeShe complains even more.-throw axe at momIt’s too heavy!-bring glockShe points her fully-loaded AK47 to you and tells you to drop it off. -call chuck norris It’s lame joke already. -bring homie Yo mommas so fat she rolls all over your homies and made pancakes out of them. -bring nuke Your mom screams at you after seeing the uranium bills. -press nuke button GAME OVER Would you like to (restart), (restore), or (quit)?

Answer:
Is it a two handed sword? Or is a rapier? Maybe she has your best interest in mind. I mean it would be hard to eat with a two handed sword! I mean a rapier at least you could slice and dice dinner – but the two handed you would just destroy everything….Think about it…

Answer:
You tell me when you’re going to eat. Tell your mom you’re leaving your sword in the bedroom, like she wants. I’ll come in with my sword and hack the place up. When it’s over you say, “See, that’s why I need to have my sword at the table.”

Answer:
You would not do anything. As your father, I would threaten to beat your *** until your nose bleed if you disobeyed your mother. Play with your sword outside, eat dinner with the family at the table. It really is just that simple. Answer:

ok we do not live in midevil times and you really dont need a security sword do you. unless of couse you have to cross a bridge spanning across a lake of lava with a fire breathing dragon on the other side. then keep the sword.

Answer:

Dress up like a knight or something and come up to the table with the sword. Act like it’s just like a normal day, do not even acknowledge that you are dressed up or whatever. She’ll get a kick out of that!!


Answer
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Tell her to shut up and get back in the kitchen where she belongs.


Answer
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your mom is a really important person and you should respect her wishes regarding weaponry at the table.not really. you should make sure you cut your food with your sword and stare at her at the same time.

Answer:
Lie in wait upon the ceiling and then when she innocently walks into the kitchen, swoop down and release her from this mortal coil.Then disappear into the night like a shadow into the darkness as any true Ninja would do.

Answer:
Your mom is right, the sword does not belong at the table. However you may bring some other weaponry. Try rolling a guillotine up next to the table. She’ll be happy to let you bring back the sword.

Answer:
Ask her if you can take a pen to the table instead, if she says it’s ok, just tell her if the pen is mightier than the sword, why should you be allowed the pen and not a sword?

Answer:
Moms are like that. Smile and hand her your sword when you come to the table. Wait for the synaptic backfire when she realizes she has no idea what to do with it once it is in her hand.

Answer:
Hi, I had a friend who used a sword as a toothpick, so maybe you can simply place yours beside your chair while you’re eating, and use it afterwards to clean your teeth. See what your om says to that. 🙂

Answer:
Simple, next time she tells you to put it away, chop off her head and scream, “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!” Then you will absorb her cooking and cleaning powers, and you can also mount her head above the fireplace.

Answer:
You are clearly the victim of emotional child abuse. Call the proper authorities. When your mom is locked up in jail, you and your sword will be able to eat in peace.

Answer:
What Kind of sword are you trying to eat with at the table for which meal? Because honestly, we all know you can’t have a broad sword at breakfast. That’s a dinner sword.

Answer:
Such Insolence! Why would your mother not let you do this? I had this problem once, but then I showed her that it was a truly useful thing! Show her its worth, such as cutting things, and squishing things with its flat end.

Answer:
Keep it sheathed instead of trying to eat with it. Seriously, do you have any idea how hard it is to eat with a sword?

Answer:
Tell her no one will have to pass the porkchops or potatoes to you, you can reach them yourself with your sword. Convince her that’s handy at the dinnertable.

Answer:
If you were a warrior of any mettle you would know how you are debasing your blade by even considering using it as common silverware. Your Mom’s kung fu is better than yours.

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