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Welcome to Uplifting, Lovely, Moving & Mysterious Things
Today, it is Thursday, May 25, 2017, 7:40 pm. in Southern California.
Welcome! : ) This site was created to provide interesting tidbits and facts that seem especially positive, uplifting, entertaining, interesting, inspirational, or of particular benefit to health and well being. Be sure to check out the numerous articles collection listed in the right column. We're glad you're here and hope you enjoy the content. If you have anything wonderful to share, please tell us about it, here.  
 
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13 Things Your Waiter Won’t Tell You

Interesting Eating-Out Information –

1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality meal.

2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a child to support isn’t going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he’s got strep throat.

3. When customers make personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Waiters can and do spit in people’s food.

4. Never say “I’m friends with the owner.” Restaurant owners don’t have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door.

5. Treat others as you want to be treated.

6. Don’t snap your fingers to get attention.

7. Don’t order meals that aren’t on the menu. You’re forcing the chef to cook something he doesn’t make on a regular basis, and it won’t be as good.

8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don’t ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade.

9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they’ll start asking for that server as well. The server will be grateful and take good care of you.

10. If you can’t afford to leave a tip, you can’t afford to eat in the restaurant.

11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters “facilitate” this error.

12. If you want to hang out, that’s fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table.

13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. While you’re chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity.

We’ve known that going out to eat often leads to mild food poisoning. Considering that many workers don’t necessarily wash carefully after you-know-whatting.

Now, any time someone tells me they have the “flu,” (throwing up, feeling sick, dia***hea), am more likely to suspect food poisoning than anything else. ESPECIALLY if they just ate out, which most likely they usually did.

That said, many people have a great deal of stomach acid which kills a lot of things. And tons of folks eat out all the time and seem to be doing fine.

Also, they say, when eating Sushi, a little alcohol helps prevent food “issues.” Of course these days, Sushi fish is frozen a good long while to kill pathogens and parasites.

Our bodies are quite strong, and can take a little sputum and pus… after all, it’s in every burger!

That said, we seldom go out to eat anymore. If ever!

13 points from http://www.rd.com/advice-and-know-how/waiters-share-restaurant-stories/article82785.html 

Thanks to Reader’s Digest.


 
 
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50 LIFE LESSONS – Regina Brett Pulitzer Finalist

Some of these may really hit home with you… Which are your favorites? Which really strike a chord? Which do you really love? How many can you remember? What would you add?

From God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours by Regina Brett

50 Life Lessons

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.


 
 
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PRICELESS Letter to Bank from 86 Year Old

HILARIOUS 86-year Old Lady’s Letter to Bank re: Bank Fees
“Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.” (See actual source of letter on the bottom)

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Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

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The original version of this wonderful letter was written by an Australian columnist named Peter Wear of the Queensland Courier Mail. (Source: Snopes, http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp)

Thanks to BB!


 
 
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Famous Last Words

Thanks BB for sending! “Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.” — Dr. Lee DeForest, “Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television.”
 
“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.” — Admiral William Leahy , US Atomic Bomb Project
 
“There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.” — Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923
 
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” — Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
 
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers .” — Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
 
“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” — The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
 
“But what is it good for?” — Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
 
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” — Bill Gates, 1981
 
This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us,” — Western Union internal memo, 1876.
 
“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?” — David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
 
“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible,” — A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
 
“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,” — Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”
 
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,” — Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.
 
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,” — Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
 
“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,” — Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
 
“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this,” — Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M “Post-It” Notepads.
 
“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy,” — Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
 
“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” — Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
 
“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,” — Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .
 
“Everything that can be invented has been invented,” — Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.
 
“The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required.” — Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University
 
“I don’t know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn’t be a feasible business by itself.” — the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.
 
“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.” — Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872
 
“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,” — Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon- Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
 
And last but not least…
 
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” — Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977


 
 
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Kids Pirate Question – Hilarious

Below are some real answers by kids to a kid’s question on Yahoo Answers. Unfortunately, the original question and answers were removed, so all we have left is what’s below.

QUESTION: MY MOM WONT LET ME EAT AT THE TABLE WITH A SWORD WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Answer:
Just because your mom is a little unreasonable doesn’t mean you cant be reasonable. What you need to do is become a classically styled pirate, and don’t half *** it like some 5 year old going out to play. You need to Be a pirate 24/7; that means you need to have a bandanna, large boots, long hair, saggy clothes held up by an enormous belt (make sure you like them, you won’t ever be taking them off, not even to bathe, witch you also will not be doing), an exotic animal, and of course you’re sword. You must also always talk like a pirate, swear like a sailor, have no respect for women or officials you were not involved in electing, and be within arms reach of alcohol (but only manly kinds, no martinis or mojitos or any of that other gayness). After you have this all down pat you need to assemble a crew of the most insidious cut throats villains and scoundrels you’ve ever seen (friends of yours will probably do, you know the ones I mean) , go to some nearby body of water and rob peoples boats. So now when you go to the dinner table; sword in hand, animal on shoulder,bandanna on head, and loosely clad, and you’re mom starts giving you crap you can: a.) Tell her to can it ’cause you’re tankard is dry of rum b.) argue until you finally kowtow to that madness c.) compromise, agree to get rid of the animal, the bandanna, the clothes and to stop robbing people BUT YOU’RE A PIRATE DAGNABIT AND YOU WILL NOT BE WITHOUT YOU’RE SWORD. d.) You shove her away, take all the food, and runoff to live a life of high adventure and debauchery on the high seas. the choice is yours.

Answer:
The saddest part is that a pirate is on the internet, crying about his mom. You should be ashamed. But I unders oh wait I don’t understand. Pirates don’t have moms much less cry. Grow a pair matey!

Answer:
Give your mom a sword and force her to eat with it. Then she will know that eating with a sword is obviously the best way to eat food and she will never be able to go back to the “civilized” manner of eating with a fork, knife, etc… This will also make dinners much more exciting because, say for example, a certain food you do not like is served after you specifically said you did not want it. What do you do? you challenge your mother, who also wields a sword, to a death-match! Winner gets to clean up and loser end up, well, dead.

Answer:
Dear CHILD, If you are at her table in her house and she is the one who pays the bills and for the food that is on the table that you eat, then do not break momzilla’s rule…Respect! When you are in your own home at your own table paying for your own food you may eat with a sword and your mom will need to except it. Now run along dear and don’t trip with that sword you might hurt yourself.

Answer:
What, like as a knife? Seriously, just hide it under the table or something. Then, when you find something to cut, YELL, whip out the sword and bring it crashing down on the plate, cutting into the table. Then pull it out of the now ruined table and slowly lift it above your head, pointed towards the ceiling. Lower it back to the floor and set it down. Calmly resume eating. Act as if nothing has happened (not like anything did. You were just cutting your food!)

Answer:
Depending on the type of sword, I would say, recommendations may vary for your situation.If your sword is a long sword then it probably extends as much as 4 feet. This is good in battle in a wide open field against warriors NOT wielding AK47’s but I wouldn’t recommend it for a cramped indoor area like say, a bathroom, closet, or dinner table.Now if it is a short sword, it is probably about 2-3 ft in length and is quite handy in close up face to face battles ESPECIALLY in close quarters indoors like say, a bathroom, closet, or dinner table. So if you find yourself constantly in battle with those seated at said table, I would by all means recommend overriding the cease and desist order and continue wielding your short sword at the dinner table.Now, if it is an Arabian sword then it will extend approximately 4 feet and will be curved with the sharp blade pointed outward. These swords are especially good while on horseback but the one-sided cutting action and lack of a definitive ‘point’ (they are curved like a sickle moon across the top of the blade) makes the Arabian sword unwieldy and disadvantageous in close quarters indoors in a bathroom, closet, or say, a dinner table. But if you are attempting to appear like a Bad Ace while not necessarily expecting to do battle from horse or camel back any time soon, then by all means, override the cease and desist order and whip out your Arabian sword while eating your hash browns and giblets. Its quite intimidating, I know this from experience.If it is nothing more than a plastic toy sword then you really just need to put the stupid thing back in your toy box, grow up, and eat your hash browns and giblets completely unarmed like the rest of us!

Answer:
ok dude, i have had this problem…dont ask why.i just let it go, cause i love my mom and i wasnt real seriuos anyway, but you, you must be kinda whacked out, so do this, take your little sowrd and lay it on the table, pointing at her and tell her” my dinner or your life…” i hope she grabs it and takes your arm off lmmfao

Answer:
Oh Good GRIEF!!!Don’t you have any manners?? Or respect your Mother?? Come on, she’s your Mom. It’s dinner or put down the sword for 30 or so minutes.And use your manners!!! Since WHEN exactly, do we need to eat with a sword at our side? Personally, mine stays be the Dining Room door during dinner.

Answer:
Exactly what Abe Lincoln would do. Eat using a meat cleaver and a pitchfork instead. Keep your chainsaw close by with a tire iron and a box of contractor trash bags, so anyone who tries to stop this behavior (she said nothing about this, only the sword) will meet a strange and untimely demise.

Answer:
You have the choice of survival modes here – self protection (sword) or sustenance (food) – which is more important? A malnourished swordsman is a weak swordsman. An unprotected trencherman is a weak trencherman. We are all defined in our lives by the choices we make. Choose wisely!

Answer:
Simple, Ready your weapon, for your in for a dousy.Jump onto the table, swinging your faithful sword. Raise your weapon to the sky, and proclaim this feast to the lord agorhaoth. Then, with great justice and devotion, STRIKE DOWN THOSE WHO OPPOSE YOU.Or just bring an axe.

Answer:
ok, i think most of us have gone through this phase at some point in our lives… the decision you make here can guarantee a spot as a high ranking ninja or a sword wielding lawyer… not much difference though, or 10-15 years in prison. What i did was i left my sword in my room one day and the ninjas attacked. After the ninjas stole all our knives i had to use the sword to protect us from them again and to slice our food. So just trust your ninja superiors are watching and leave it one day, it will happen. And the one’s asking what your problem is, they are the rejects of ninja society, so just ignore them.

Answer:
-bring katanaYour mom still complains and broke the katana into pieces — she’s a ninja.-bring axeShe complains even more.-throw axe at momIt’s too heavy!-bring glockShe points her fully-loaded AK47 to you and tells you to drop it off. -call chuck norris It’s lame joke already. -bring homie Yo mommas so fat she rolls all over your homies and made pancakes out of them. -bring nuke Your mom screams at you after seeing the uranium bills. -press nuke button GAME OVER Would you like to (restart), (restore), or (quit)?

Answer:
Is it a two handed sword? Or is a rapier? Maybe she has your best interest in mind. I mean it would be hard to eat with a two handed sword! I mean a rapier at least you could slice and dice dinner – but the two handed you would just destroy everything….Think about it…

Answer:
You tell me when you’re going to eat. Tell your mom you’re leaving your sword in the bedroom, like she wants. I’ll come in with my sword and hack the place up. When it’s over you say, “See, that’s why I need to have my sword at the table.”

Answer:
You would not do anything. As your father, I would threaten to beat your *** until your nose bleed if you disobeyed your mother. Play with your sword outside, eat dinner with the family at the table. It really is just that simple. Answer:

ok we do not live in midevil times and you really dont need a security sword do you. unless of couse you have to cross a bridge spanning across a lake of lava with a fire breathing dragon on the other side. then keep the sword.

Answer:

Dress up like a knight or something and come up to the table with the sword. Act like it’s just like a normal day, do not even acknowledge that you are dressed up or whatever. She’ll get a kick out of that!!


Answer
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Tell her to shut up and get back in the kitchen where she belongs.


Answer
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your mom is a really important person and you should respect her wishes regarding weaponry at the table.not really. you should make sure you cut your food with your sword and stare at her at the same time.

Answer:
Lie in wait upon the ceiling and then when she innocently walks into the kitchen, swoop down and release her from this mortal coil.Then disappear into the night like a shadow into the darkness as any true Ninja would do.

Answer:
Your mom is right, the sword does not belong at the table. However you may bring some other weaponry. Try rolling a guillotine up next to the table. She’ll be happy to let you bring back the sword.

Answer:
Ask her if you can take a pen to the table instead, if she says it’s ok, just tell her if the pen is mightier than the sword, why should you be allowed the pen and not a sword?

Answer:
Moms are like that. Smile and hand her your sword when you come to the table. Wait for the synaptic backfire when she realizes she has no idea what to do with it once it is in her hand.

Answer:
Hi, I had a friend who used a sword as a toothpick, so maybe you can simply place yours beside your chair while you’re eating, and use it afterwards to clean your teeth. See what your om says to that. 🙂

Answer:
Simple, next time she tells you to put it away, chop off her head and scream, “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!” Then you will absorb her cooking and cleaning powers, and you can also mount her head above the fireplace.

Answer:
You are clearly the victim of emotional child abuse. Call the proper authorities. When your mom is locked up in jail, you and your sword will be able to eat in peace.

Answer:
What Kind of sword are you trying to eat with at the table for which meal? Because honestly, we all know you can’t have a broad sword at breakfast. That’s a dinner sword.

Answer:
Such Insolence! Why would your mother not let you do this? I had this problem once, but then I showed her that it was a truly useful thing! Show her its worth, such as cutting things, and squishing things with its flat end.

Answer:
Keep it sheathed instead of trying to eat with it. Seriously, do you have any idea how hard it is to eat with a sword?

Answer:
Tell her no one will have to pass the porkchops or potatoes to you, you can reach them yourself with your sword. Convince her that’s handy at the dinnertable.

Answer:
If you were a warrior of any mettle you would know how you are debasing your blade by even considering using it as common silverware. Your Mom’s kung fu is better than yours.


 
 
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