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THE COMPLETE SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE VIDEO CLIP WITH TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN AND AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON

SNL SKIT WITH JOHN MCCAIN IMPERSONATOR APPROVING" TRUTH -ENHANCED" ADS

Transcript:   TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "Good evening, my fellow Americans. I was so excited when I was told Senator Clinton and I would be addressing you tonight." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "And I was told I would be addressing you alone." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "Now I know it must be a little bit strange for all of you to see the two of us together. What with me being John McCain's running mate." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "And me being a fervent supporter of Senator Barack Obama -- as evidenced by this button." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "But tonight we are crossing party lines to address the now very ugly role that sexism is playing in the campaign." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "An issue which I am frankly surprised to hear people suddenly care about." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "You know, Hillary and I don't agree on everything..." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: (OVERLAPPING) "Anything. I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "And I can see Russia from my house." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "I believe global warming is caused by man." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "And I believe it's just God hugging us closer." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "I don't agree with the Bush Doctrine." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "I don't know what that is." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "But Sarah, one thing we can agree on is that sexism can never be allowed to permeate an American election." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "So please, stop photoshopping my head on sexy bikini pictures." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "And stop saying I have cankles." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "Don't refer to me as a 'MILF.'" AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "And don't refer to me as a [flurge]. I Googled what it stands for and I do not like it." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "So we ask reporters and commentators, stop using words that diminish us, like 'pretty,' 'attractive,' 'beautiful.'" AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "'Harpy,' 'shrew' and 'boner shrinker.'" TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "While our politics may differ, my friend and I are both very tough ladies. You know it reminds me of a joke we tell in Alaska..."What's the difference... AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "Lipstick." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "...between a hockey mom..." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "Lipstick." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "...and a pitbull?" AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "Lipstick." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN(AFTER A BEAT): "Lipstick. Just look at how far we've come. Hillary Clinton, who came so close to the White House. And me, Sarah Palin, who is even closer. Can you believe it, Hillary?" AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: (AFTER A PAUSE)"I can not." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "It's truly amazing and I think women everywhere can agree, that no matter your politics, it's time for a woman to make it to the White House." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "No. Mine! It's supposed to be mine! I need to say something. I didn't want a woman to be President. I wanted to be President and I just happen to be a woman. And I don't want to hear you compare your road to the White House to my road to the White House. I scratched and clawed through mud and barbed wire and you just glided in on a dog sled wearing your pageant sash and your Tina Fey glasses." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "What an amazing time we live in. To think that just two years ago, I was a small town mayor of Alaska's crystal meth capitol. And now I am just one heartbeat away from being President of the United States. It just goes to show that anyone can be President." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "Anyone." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "All you have to do is want it." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: (LAUGHS) "Yeah, you know, Sarah, looking back, if I could change one thing, I should have wanted it more." (RIPS OFF PIECE OF PODIUM) TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "So in the next six weeks, I invite the media to be vigilant for sexist behavior." AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "Although it is never sexist to question female politicians' credentials. Please ask this one about dinosaurs. So I invite the media to grow a pair. And if you can't, I will lend you mine." TINA FEY / SARAH PALIN: "And as we say in Alaska - " AMY POEHLER AS HILLARY CLINTON: "We say it everywhere - " FEY/POEHLER: "Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!"

Tina Fey once again plays Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler plays Katie Couric in another comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live. Adorable! And, phenomenal! : ) 

 
AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "Did you enjoy your week in New York City?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "You know I did, Katie, and I wasn't sure I would at first. New York is, of course, home to the Liberal Media Elite. But Todd and the kids had a great time goin' to the Central Park, F.A.O. Schwarz and that goofy evolution museum."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "So, sounds like the trip was a success?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Well, there were some funny moments. For instance, I had fifteen to twenty false alarms when I thought I saw Osama Bin Laden driving a taxi. I was embarrassed to be wrong but mostly disappointed I wasn't right! Also, in an effort to bone up on foreign policy I went to the Times Square area to see a film called, 'The Bush Doctrine.' It was not about politics."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "You went to the UN for the first time. How was that experience?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "You know, it was just amazing. So many interesting people. Though I have to say, I was disheartened by how many of them were foreigners. I promise that when Senator McCain and I are elected, we're gonna get those jobs back in American hands."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "How did the world leaders you met with, react to you?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "They embraced me, Katie. Both figuratively and, a couple of them Pakistani guys, literally. But they were all so welcoming. Be it from Hamid Karzai, the President of Afghanistan. Jalal Talabani, the President of Iraq. Or Bono, the King of Ireland."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "On foreign policy, I want to give you one more chance to explain your claim that you have foreign policy experience based on Alaska's proximity to Russia. What did you mean by that?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Well, Alaska and Russia are only separated by a narrow maritime border. (using her hands to illustrate) You got Alaska here, this right here is water, and this is Russia. So, we keep an eye on them."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "And how do you do that exactly?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Every morning, when Alaskans wake up, one of the first things they do, is look outside to see if there are any Russians hanging around. And if there are, you gotta go up to them and ask, 'What are you doing here?' and if they can't give you a good reason, it's our responsibility to say, you know, 'Shoo! Get back over there!'

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "Senator McCain attempted to shut down his political campaign this week in order to deal with the economic crisis. What's your opinion of this potential 700 billion dollar bailout?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Like every American I'm speaking with, we're ill about this. We're saying, 'Hey, why bail out Fanny and Freddie and not me?' But ultimately what the bailout does is, help those that are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy to help...uh...it's gotta be all about job creation, too. Also, too, shoring up our economy and putting Fannie and Freddy back on the right track and so healthcare reform and reducing taxes and reigning in spending...'cause Barack Obama, y'know...has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans, also, having a dollar value meal at restaurants. That's gonna help. But one in five jobs being created today under the umbrella of job creation. That, you know...Also..."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "What lessons have you learned from Iraq and how specifically, would you spread democracy abroad?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Specifically, we would make every effort possible to spread democracy abroad to those who want it."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "Yes, but specifically what would you do?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "But again, and not to belabor the point. One specific thing."

(several seconds of FEY and POEHLER staring at each other)

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Katie, I'd like to use one of my lifelines."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "I'm sorry?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "I want to phone a friend."

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "You don't have any lifelines."

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "Well in that case I'm gonna just have to get back to you!"

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "Forgive me, Mrs. Palin, but is seems to me that when cornered, you become increasingly adorable. Is that fair to say?"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: "I don't know, is it?" (She gestures 'cutely')

AMY POEHLER AS KATIE COURIC: "Governor Palin, is there anything else you'd like to say other than 'Live from New York, it's Saturday Night?'"

TINA FEY AS SARAH PALIN: Yes, Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

Thanks to NBC News!